Friends...What the heck.

I was just sitting here wondering what the is the deal with friendship.

 I have to say I'm not the best at making friends. Part of that might be that I don't recognize that people are my friends and I lose them that way.

I know that has happened a few times.
1. Because I don't have a natural definition to friendship that is part of my makeup.
2. Because when I think I'm friends with someone I always think I'm overdoing it.
3. I become paranoid about how I'm behaving and how they are behaving towards me.

This all sadly being sad I watch other people interact with each other way too much. How do they do it so easily? I just don't get it. Maybe I'm too literal minded? Maybe I have the maturity of a 12 year old and need constant verification? I have no clue.

What I do know is that it annoys me when people who I thought I labeled correctly as my friends turn out nuts.

My life is complicated. Recently very complicated as I was finishing up my Masters degree by writing my thesis. This took up so much of my time. I scarcely had time to shower let alone cultivate and maintain conversations. This was piled on a very sick daughter, my husband who is even sicker, a deeply depressed son, and the poor lost middle child to deal with.  Oh, and all the housework, errands, shopping, and crap that I have to deal with.

A quick squirrel moment: Things are better now.

As a result I have a few friends that became neglected. I feel bad about that, but as my friend they should be understanding. Instead, half of them were such good friends that they didn't even know I had so much going on and the other half decided that I was mad at them, ignoring them, or just had decided not to like them anymore.

So, now I am torn. I'm sad about their thinking but also pissed.

I believe that I am an understanding person. Pretty easy going and crazy loyal. This makes me expect those things in return. Maybe, my standards are too high. Maybe, I should just kidnap someone and lock her/him in my closet. Oh! Maybe I need to be a Big Bang character. They could make fun of my liberal arts Masters degree.

Well, time marches on (oh, a cliche) and I will need to keep a closer eye on those people that embrace socializing with such ease. Or, maybe, I should just get down to writing The Novel and forget people for a while.