Friends...What the heck.

I was just sitting here wondering what the is the deal with friendship.

 I have to say I'm not the best at making friends. Part of that might be that I don't recognize that people are my friends and I lose them that way.

I know that has happened a few times.
1. Because I don't have a natural definition to friendship that is part of my makeup.
2. Because when I think I'm friends with someone I always think I'm overdoing it.
3. I become paranoid about how I'm behaving and how they are behaving towards me.

This all sadly being sad I watch other people interact with each other way too much. How do they do it so easily? I just don't get it. Maybe I'm too literal minded? Maybe I have the maturity of a 12 year old and need constant verification? I have no clue.

What I do know is that it annoys me when people who I thought I labeled correctly as my friends turn out nuts.

My life is complicated. Recently very complicated as I was finishing up my Masters degree by writing my thesis. This took up so much of my time. I scarcely had time to shower let alone cultivate and maintain conversations. This was piled on a very sick daughter, my husband who is even sicker, a deeply depressed son, and the poor lost middle child to deal with.  Oh, and all the housework, errands, shopping, and crap that I have to deal with.

A quick squirrel moment: Things are better now.

As a result I have a few friends that became neglected. I feel bad about that, but as my friend they should be understanding. Instead, half of them were such good friends that they didn't even know I had so much going on and the other half decided that I was mad at them, ignoring them, or just had decided not to like them anymore.

So, now I am torn. I'm sad about their thinking but also pissed.

I believe that I am an understanding person. Pretty easy going and crazy loyal. This makes me expect those things in return. Maybe, my standards are too high. Maybe, I should just kidnap someone and lock her/him in my closet. Oh! Maybe I need to be a Big Bang character. They could make fun of my liberal arts Masters degree.

Well, time marches on (oh, a cliche) and I will need to keep a closer eye on those people that embrace socializing with such ease. Or, maybe, I should just get down to writing The Novel and forget people for a while. 

Here it is.

I wonder how most people feel when they write their first blog post. Do they go in and know exactly what they want to write and about what they so desperately need to tell the world?

With the thousands of random blogs out there on the web, what would make theirs the best? The most read? Famous?!

I've been putting off writing the first post in my blog mainly because...I have nothing to write. Oh, yes, when I was dreaming up the blog I had all sorts of witty topics to pursue. I didn't want something too heavy, or too funny, or too personal. This blog was supposed to be just something to get my writing juices flowing. That way The Novel  will just fly out of my head into my fingers. My fingers then would fly across the keyboard so fast that after a while they would cramp up. Well deserved pain.

Well, here I sit. I have nothing to say. All those topics I dreamed about have flown out of my head. (I am so horrible about writing ideas down. It is a good thing I outlined The Novel!)

I believe that I will leave this first post as it is. No topic. No direction. Pretty much how my brain works on a daily basis.

Oh, look! Squirrel!